Don't we all use pre-fabricated hearts?

The following is a blog I wrote in 2007 for a a class on "The Body and Modernity" that I found while I was poking around my old emails. The assignment was to blog after every class on any part of the lecture that struck us as interesting enough and raise questions on it. I can't help but be a little embarassed every time I read something I wrote more than 3 minutes ago.

In reviewing the clip of Dreams Money Can Buy during Friday's class, one lyric off the soundtrack made an incredible impression on me: "No man alive could ever survive a girl with a pre-fabricated heart." But what is a "pre-fabricated heart"? If a pre-fabricated heart is a way of classifying a heart that is insincere, who among us does not have one? Personally, in intimate social situations I run my gut reaction through a split second inspection line to ensure that my response is not socially awkward. I've been conditioned to monitor and censor my feelings from others as well as myself, and ask myself questions: Would my friends react like that if someone were to ask such a personal question? Should I be offended right now? Would someone attractively aloof be offended right now?

I am incapable of having a reaction without looking for the reassurance that it is a normal response; this is obviously a sign of some major insecurity. I can deal with that. I have friends that come to me looking for answers to similar questions; I know I can't be the only person who does this. If this is the case and we constantly test our feelings against social norms before openly expressing them, how do we determine which of our thoughts and reactions are really genuine? How can we know ourselves anymore? I'm a young female and these days that allows a certain amount of expected insecurities, but there is still something unsettling about this: What about those of us who react openly without adherence to the social norms and outlines? Assuming we are aware of these boundaries, do we purposely ignore tham for novelty's sake? Are those reactions just as "pre-fabricated" as mine? Do we all use pre-fabricated responses? If all of my relationships and friendships are based on these pre-fabricated responses, is any of my social contact genuine?